Owners Guide
by Windpheonix
Summary: Kamino productions thanks you for purchasing this Clone Trooper , designation CT-27-5555. Please read these instructions carefully before the delivery of your Fives is completed.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the clone wars.**

* * *

Owner's guide to Five's

Kamino productions ™ thanks you for purchasing this Clone Trooper ™ , designation CT-27-5555.

If recommended user behavior (please see under user-interaction) is followed your trooper might prefer you to refer to him as "Fives". This behavior is highly encouraged the customer wishes to maintain a casual relationship with his Fives.

**Delivery and first steps:**

**1)**

Your Fives will be delivered to the closest airport. Please note that it is your responsibility to inform airport personnel about the incoming extraterrestrial flight.

**2)**

Deliveries to planets not in the republic`s trading agreement will be charged plus ten percent of the original purchase cost.

**3)**

At first arrival your Fives might be confused about his surroundings, as the units are kept under strict supervision for the duration of their training. It is advised to accompany your Fives to all locations until he has acclimated.

As your Fives is used to close interaction with his brothers he might feel lonely (although he will prefer not to talk about it until higher levels of trust have been established).

You might wish to buy him a puppy and supply plenty of opportunities for cuddles. If you prefer not to purchase a pet, higher amounts off cuddling is suggested.

**4a) **

During stays in public areas, without full clothing (swimming halls, beach etc.) is not

advised until Fives is fully used to civilian`s reactions, or your jealousy is under control.

(The same behavior is suggested during encounters with roommates/spouses.)

**5)**

Your Fives is delivered with:

One (1) standard clone trooper armour

One (1) standard DC-15

One (1) climbing grapple

Three (3)medi pacs

Five (5) grenades, the number of grenades is the same for all models. Please do not comment it, his terrible one-liners are currently worked upon.

Two (2) stets of fatigues; Your Fives is a model with high levels of activity, including outdoors (please see under possible uses), so you might wish to purchase additional clothing. ( Please see under user-interaction for recommended styles. Things could get awkward.)

**Possible uses:**

**6)**

Your Fives is trained in several types of close combat and weapons usage. Supplied with adequate rooms he is more than skilled enough to teach you in both areas. If you wish to pursue a career in the area of personal security the purchase of a Fives might be a serious career boost, especially if an upgrade to ARC is purchased.

**7)**

If you simply wish to increase your physical activities Fives is also a pleasant running partner. Other sports will have to be taught, but he is quick to learn. Some activities like Yoga or dancing might require a bit of acclimation first.

**8)**

As your Fives is highly skilled in self defense you will never need to worry about you personal safety anymore. Prior to visits to dance clubs and similar areas the forming of closer connections to your Fives and desensitization to the clothing styles are advised. Otherwise your Fives might be too distracted to perform his duties.

**9)**

Afternoon activities. Your Fives will enjoy various strategy games, but also games of more violent content. Should you choose to play or let him play the later the later be prepared for an in-depth analysis for anything that is incorrect.

**9a) **

Given the opportunity your Fives will discover cooking and his talent in cooking. (Same is not to be said for the Echo model, viewer descretion advised.) Be prepared to come home to several courses of delicious, healthy, home-made food. Although too much consumption we refer to 7).

**User interaction:**

**10)**

Please note that your Fives is a highly skilled trooper of the GAR with extended knowledge of tactics, a big thirst for information and a very high Intelligence Quotient.

Actions including:

Squealing

Extended talking in: chat speak, unrequited/overuse/any usage of the words like, OMG ect.

Conversations only about the physical appearance/actions of people without deeper exploitation of their reasons or any other sense

might lead your Fives to speak slowly and over exaggeratedly. This is not a manufacture mistake. It is a simple reaction to your behavior.

**10)**

It is recommended that you let your Fives pick his own clothing, or purchase loose fitting clothing that provides unrestricted moving. Other clothing styles should be a choice of your Five, but with the exposition to the correct sources it should not be difficult to influence your Fives to wear the styles you prefer.

**11)**

To insure a healthy relationship with your Fives regular interaction is highly suggested.

Please see under possible uses for recommendations, but feel free to experiment.

**Modal compatibility:**

**12)**

Your Fives is compatible with any type of clone model. (ARC Fives may need a Captain Rex Model to run interference if you purchase a Dogma model.) Any model from the Domino squad is highly recommended. Please be advised of a relationship change if you should buy an Echo model.

**13)**

After purchase of a Jedi model your Fives will automatically switch to trooper mode and will stop listening to you. Factory resets' might be required. This action is only avertable if string personal relationships have formed beforehand.

**14)**

Any model of the Separatist site (not only including Ventress, Greivous, Count Dooku) is not compatible with your Fives. User caution required. Kamino Production ™ does not cover for property damages, damage to your Fives or noise complaints from your neighbors.

**F.A.Q.:**

Q: I have purchased a regular Fives clone trooper, but my Fives is wearing shoulder cauldrons and is regularly ignoring my commands. What is wrong?

A: We apologize. You must have been delivered an ARC Fives. If you wish to keep him, we ask for a transaction of the Credits necessary for the upgrade, although you will get five percentage price reduction for the inconvenience. Should you prefer a calmer Trooper Fives we will need two weeks for the exchange. We thank you for your consideration.

Q: My Fives speaks very slowly and refuses to answer to anything but direct orders after our visit in the beauty parlor. What is the problem?

A: You people will not believe the amount of questions with similar or identical questions. Please see under 10) and commended uses for information. We refuse to answer them.

Q: After I purchased The Jedi Council`s Ahsoka model my Fives has stopped listening to my commands. Can you help me?

A: Please see under 13) for information. Do you even read this thing?

**A.N.:**

Unfortunately I could not find the original author of the owner`s guide.

If you do know him/her, send me a PM with the pen name, so I can give the author the credit he/she deserves so much!

Also, sorry for not updating two questions, but my plot bunny demanded this one first:)

I really want to do another chapter of this, but I can`t decide on another character, so, fifth review get`s to choose.

Suggestions are always welcome, but I am going to try my hardest on the fifth, even if it comes in five years!

(P.S. if you think this is a stupid idea or I should stop the puns, just drop me a PM)


	2. Anakin

**Disclaimer: I do not own the clone wars.**

* * *

Owner's guide to Anakin Skywalker

Jedi Council productions ™thanks you for purchasing Jedi Master Anakin Skywalker ™ . Please note that this ownership does not entitle you to a seat in the Jedi council.

Your Jedi is a highly trained politician, as well as well versed in any kind of combat and war tactics. Air strikes against your garden rodents and annoying neighbor pets are not advised.

**Delivery and first steps:**

**1)**

Your Anakin will come with a space ship directly to your landing platform. If you do not own said platform please send us a holo-message with a list of suitable docking places. Non-public areas are preferred.

**2)**

Close supervision for your Anakin will not be necessary, as he is well versed in less technologically advanced surroundings. Should your personal hygiene **  
**

demand it feel free to demonstrate the usage of the local washing facilities. This might be enforced after his afternoon activities. (See under possible uses.)

**3)**

Your Anakin is delivered with:

- One (1) standard light saber (keep away from rouge traders and Sith)

- One (1) R-2-D2 unit (You could make a fortune should you decide to dismantle him and sell the patents, but due to your Anakin`s reaction this is not recommended.)

- One (1) standard repair kit for said droid

- Two (2) stets of Jedi robes; you might want to have additional clothing tailor made. Your Anakin does not accept style changes easily and his tinkering with technology makes his use of clothing immense. (Except if you don't mind oil stains and ripped clothing.)

**Possible uses:**

**4)**

Your Anakin is a highly talented driver of any kind of vehicle land, water or air based. See that you use your chauffeur as necessary, but be advised that anything than state of the art equipment will be met with snippy remarks and sarcasm. (Your Anakin prefers the republic`s state of the art technology, of course. See our catalogue for possible acquirements. An additional fee allows you to purchase the ship he will arrive in. Should you wish to travel to planets of the republic, please note paragraph eighty-one, subsection twenty two for your necessary vaccinations. Not meeting these requirement will end in a fine. ( For the calculation of these fines see subsection twenty, same paragraph as above.))

**5)**

If you simply wish to learn the art of meditation you Anakin is a good teacher, although we might suggest a Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan model instead.

**6)**

Your Anakin will be delighted to work on anything technological in your household (or elsewere). It is advised that until he has acclimated to your planets technological standards you let your Anakin practice on your household items.

In this time please be careful of your oven, your car and that your microwave doesn't bring you to different planets. You know what? Until he is finished, ask your Anakin if he has done something to you lights before you switch them on.

**7)**

Seeing that your Anakin is a Jedi you might want to let him plan your dinner parties or dissolve neighbor conflicts. This is not advised, as he prefers aggressive negotiations. He is capable of holding delightful dinner conversation and will handle any disagreements, but not blowing something up in the process might annoy him. Be prepared to go shopping for technical nick-nack afterwards.

**Modal compatibility:**

**8)**

Your Anakin is compatible with any type of Jedi and Clone trooper. (Slick exempt.) Your Anakin might also have trouble with the models out of the Jedi Council line.

**9)**

The Obi-wan model will be regarded as a close friend. To let the last of the teacher-student relationship fade, we recommend sepperate schedules. (To activate the slash setting see our user department.)

**10)**

The purchase of an Ahsoka model will first be met with skepticism, but time will lead to a solid master-student relationship. To speed the process up you might wish to purchase a Captain Rex model from Kamino Production ™.

**11)**

Purchasing an Amidala model together with you Anakin model is not recommended, as he will stop listening to you and possibly go to the dark side.

**12)**

Any model of the Separatist Company (not only including Ventress, Grevious, Count Docu and last but not least Darth Sidious) is not compatible with your Anakin. If you can`t figure out out why not you should not purchase any models at all.

**13)**

Keeping a Palpatine model with your Anakin is not advised. Just don`t.

**F.A.Q.:**

**Q:** I have purchased a regular Anakin, but he has taken to wearing to dark robes and suddenly has a red lightsaber. He is extremely scaring. How do I fix this?

**A:** Your Anakin has gone to the dark side. Did you keep a Darth Sidious or Palpatine model? We told you not to do that! The only way to fix this is to reset to factory settings. Should that not be possible and most likely it is not, feel free to run like hell and collect insurance on your house later; if he hasn't taken over your planet by order of his master.

**Q:** After me purchasing an Obi-Wan model as a meditation instructor both Jedi tend to be…surprisingly close.

**A:** You must have activated the slash setting. Please contact our user department for further help.

**Q:** After hosting a dinner party my Anakin has moved into the garden shed, what should I do?

**A:** See under possible uses for the answer. Bribe him with technology to tinker with or a few races to ride. (Although that should at least be nascar.) Just for the slow ones: For a great dinner host purchase another model, if necessary an Amidala model. (As much as we hate referring to the competition, you find her in the catalogue of the Senate of the Republic™.)

**Q:** After purchasing an Amidala model my Anakin has stopped listening to me, but after a good conversation with the Senator he has resumed his work. As he has yet to go to the dark side just one thing: In your face! You were wrong!

**A:** Just wait sugar cube, just wait.

**P.S.:** Regarding the impressive amounts of law suits for property damage that are flooding our rights department from now on we will check if you already purchased a model from the Separatists™ and vice versa before you may purchase any of our models. Feel free to be proud as you are the reason for the first lasting contract between our two companies.

**A.N.:**

Unfortunately I could not find the original author of the owner`s guide.

If you do know him/her, so I can give the author the credit he/she deserves so much!


End file.
